A Crappy Surprise
A Crappy Surprise
By Ann Nguyen
A dazzling of craps
In calmness of the morning, everything was perfect. Birds were tweeting their sweet tweeting sounds. Cars were zooming like they were supposed to be zooming. In all, a good day for a walk/jog. So out into the world I embarked, bravely exercising where everyone have exercised before and just…enjoying the day. On this given day, I came upon a street seemly so inviting...yet had I known how dangerous it was, I would have turned and run the other way. Instead, I doomed myself into dazzlingly displayed of craps.
Beware all that enter shall encounter!
I later nicknamed this street, “Another steamy pie to go.” Oh, how innocent I was, carefree, full of joys. Never did I expected to be dreading every steps I take. I was even humming a sweet song when it happened. The first thing that I had notice was the size. Crap, it was huge. The next thing was that it was fresh. Crap, it was huge and steamy. It hits my senses like a big fresh steamy mound should. I shrieked! darting my eyes away. It's only shit, a digested meal. No big deal I soothed continuing my way.
Unburden without fear.
A few minutes later, my guard down, I causally glanced to a glassy yard. Big mistake! Another mound, nested in a coil, not so fresh as the first, but darn it if ain't just as shocking. I jerked maybe little too quickly to look away. Surprise! two mounds, side by side. “Ah! What day is this? Unburden your dogs day?!” I practically shouted. Damn inconsiderate people. At least hide the darn thing! I took a deep breath. Okay, out of sight, out of mind. As long as I don't step on it, I'm good. I used my hand to hide my right eye and continued cursing under my breath.
This must be some kind of twisted game, but you'll survive. You'll make it out alive. You'll make it out alive. Let it go. I soothed again. Never had I seen so many in a day, but it's okay. It's okay. It's over. It's over.
Don't step where other has stepped.
About a few steps onward, I relaxed a little and was humming again. Now wiser, I kept my head forward away from the grasses. Surely that was that, wrong again. In middle of the street, laid on the ground, several small smashed mounds or what's left of a unexpected surprise. Some poor soul has run into it, and upon discovery stroked the ground, drawing several dark lines. At this point, I am pretty sure someone is revenge pooping into people's yards. Why else would there be so many in such a short distance?
Take this poop mother fudge-ja!
Using one's dogs as a mean to seek revenge is wrong! I wish I could shake some senses into these people, but what else can I do but continued my way? In all, I had encountered two fresh mounds, one near fresh, one surprise mound causality--Ohh the poor soul--and a crappy memory. Some of them were so fresh it was steamy, as fresh crap should be. I will never be the same, but ah well here I am still alive to tell the tale. I swear all the craps I saw that day was real. No additional craps were added to enhance this narrative.
**Note to readers, never attempt what I did in order to add visual to this article. If you search for dog pooping, you'll be sorry. I have selected only the very tame images for you. No need to thank me.**