Part 1: How to Lose a Dictator

By Ann Nguyen


Never, ever, date a dictator. He can execute ya if the date goes sour. Then again, he can execute ya if you say no.


Points to consider:

 
1. Your life if you say no.
2. Your life if you say yes.
3. Your life when you neither say yes or no.


In the wrong country at the wrong time.

So for some apparent reasons you're in a country where there's a dictator roaming around, and he's interested. What to do? Well, there are several factors you must consider before making your final decision. 

Signs of an horny hostile Dictator.

Factor 1: Did he ask you on a date while being surrounded by a military? 


Factor 2: Were there any guns involved? In any capacity, form or shape? Even a picture of a  gun will count. 


Factor 3: At any times, did he shows you those guns? Hint about those gun? Start to excessively rub those guns?


Oh my god! he's lusting! What now?

When your life is at stake, don't ignore the signs. If you have answered yes to any of the listed factors above, you have an horny hostile Dictator. It is time to lose him before he executes you. Remember, I am not properly trained in this field, so any things you attempt is at your own risk. On the other hand, if you had other options, you wouldn't be reading this article, so let's move on.

A Dictator by definition is "A ruler who is unconstrained by law." He or she, not too often she, can at any times execute anyone for any apparent reasons without any justification or proofs. Anything goes when you got more guns than brains. So how do you lose a Dictator without losing a limb or worst...a life? You can lose a Dictator with proper preparation.

You will need the followings: 
1. Eggs, any quantity.
2. Sugar, a table spoon 
3. Oil, another table spoon.

"No, you are not going to cook something."

4. Food colors, a drop or two, red, orange, yellow, a little blue, and maybe a few drops of green. You're the artist. You choose which to use more.

5. Oak meal cereal.
6. Finally, a bowl.

Mixed everything together. Smash the contents into a cookie like texture. Do not eat or cook. Put the contents into a small bag. Now dab some spots on your body. You're prepared. Wait for the date to occur.

The next step will be risky and required some acting. During the date, excuse yourselves to go the bathroom ( expect a small military force to come with you). While in bathroom, take a pinch of cookies dough like texture and dabbed more spots onto a hard to see location. Dabbed a few more at random. Your goal is to hide them, but still have it noticeable.

If you don't know what you’re doing right now, then re-read. If you still don't know, I'll tell you. You are scaring the crap out of him by faking a terminal disease. Keep it consistent, but don't over do it. Every date, change the location and add new spots. Also, remember to change the sizes' frequency. When he asks, pretend not to know what it is, but act worry. Good luck. God speed...you will need it.

The next article will focus on the answering the question of "What if he sends a doctor over?" Until then, good luck. God speed...for extra luck.



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